A new baby is meant to be a joyous occasion — there's the newborn smell, the gorgeous outfits, the first smiles... but what if the joy part is hard to come by?
After you've had your baby, there's an intense amount of pressure to be the poster child of a happy parent. And if we don't have the insta-perfect routine that's all smiles 24/7 — the guilt and shame can start to creep in.
As society gets better at talking about mental health, we're learning more about how the postpartum period can actually affect the way we feel. You might've already heard about postnatal depression, but what about postpartum rage or anger?
The truth is, there's a wide range of mood disorders and other mental health experiences that can pop up in early parenthood. Having a baby is a huge lifestyle change, and everyone will move through it differently.
In this article, we'll explore the symptoms of postpartum rage and what to do if you or someone you care about is experiencing it.
What is postpartum rage?
Postpartum rage refers to feelings of persistent or intense anger that happen after giving birth. This anger could be directed towards yourself, your baby, your partner, or other people in general [1].
The period after giving birth (sometimes called the fourth trimester) can be a time of serious stress.
There's pressure to be a perfect parent, still be a good partner, and try to function around the house — all while probably getting very little sleep and recovering from a major physical trauma [1].
While postpartum anger used to be seen as just another symptom of postnatal depression, researchers are now coming to understand it more [2]. While the diagnostic and statistical manual (the big book psychologists use to diagnose mental health conditions) doesn't recognise postpartum rage as its own mental health condition (yet), it definitely does exist [3].
So how can you tell if what you're going through might be postpartum rage?
What are the symptoms of postpartum rage?
Postpartum rage can look different for everybody and isn't as simple as just being angry. It might show up as:
- Overwhelming feelings of anger and irritability that seem to come out of nowhere
- Feeling more irritated or on edge than usual
- Angry outbursts that feel hard to control (e.g screaming, slamming doors, swearing, throwing things)
- Difficulties controlling your temper
- Being unable to stop thinking about something that's upsetting you, or thinking about it for longer than usual
- Feelings of anger or resentment directed toward your partner/changes to how you view your relationship
- Feelings of intense guilt, shame, or disappointment (often after an anger episode)
- Having violent thoughts or urges [3].
All of these can be common symptoms of postpartum rage and can be really disturbing for those who experience them. The most important thing to remember is that you're not alone, and help is available.
It's also really important to note that postpartum rage and other postpartum mood disorders can happen to anyone, regardless of gender. In fact, there's been heaps of research conducted on how postpartum depression and anger can also affect fathers/people who identify as male [4].
If you recognise any of the above symptoms in yourself or are worried about someone you care about — it's time to chat to a GP or mental health professional. They can make sure you get the right support.
What causes postpartum rage?
Now you're familiar with the symptoms of postpartum rage, you're probably wondering — what causes it?
The answer is probably a mix of different factors, that might look different for everyone. Some of the things that can trigger feelings of postpartum rage/anger include:
- Sleep deprivation or changes to sleep schedule
- Hormonal changes after giving birth
- Lack of support (could be lack of emotional, physical, or social support)
- Lifestyle changes
- Your own needs going unmet in order to take care of the baby
- Changes to your body and physical health
- A family history of mental illness (such as depression or anxiety) [2]
Having a baby is a huge shock to the system, even if you have the most well-behaved baby on Earth.
Many new mums might have ideas about what motherhood should look like before they give birth — and when reality doesn't match these hopes and visions, it can be difficult to cope [5].
One example of this could be a mother who initially planned to breastfeed but wasn't able to, who then feels shame or like she'll be judged for formula feeding the baby.
This can cause feelings of anxiety, guilt, and then anger that things haven't turned out the way she expected [5].
Researchers have also suggested that the biggest factor in experiencing postpartum rage is how much support parents get with their new baby.
For example, if one partner is losing more sleep than the other, if they're expected to still do all the housework while caring for a newborn, or if there's little family or community support available, these can all become triggers for postpartum rage [2].
On the flip side, new parents or mothers who had more support were less at risk of developing postpartum mood disorders.
This could look like: partners or families lending a hand with older children or helping with meals, partners taking turns doing the overnight shift with the baby, or community support like a mother's group where they can share an emotional connection with others [2].
Is it the same as postpartum depression?
The jury is still out on this one, to be honest. For a long time, postpartum rage was considered another symptom of postpartum depression — but there's growing evidence to suggest it can happen with or without depressive symptoms [2].
In a sample from the above study, only half of the women experiencing postpartum range also experienced depression [2].
Having said that, anger can definitely happen alongside depression, or be a sign that something else is going on. For a lot of women involved in the study, anger could be linked to their anxiety levels about parenting responsibilities [2].
In a nutshell, sometimes it can be hard to untangle the symptoms of postpartum rage or postpartum depression — or figure out which came first. The key thing to remember is that if you're experiencing any of these symptoms, support is available.
How long does postpartum rage last?
Unfortunately, there isn't a simple timeline for how long symptoms of postpartum rage might last.
This can depend on things like how severe the symptoms are, how quickly someone gets support, and how they respond to different treatment options [6].
In most cases, postpartum mood disorders are usually diagnosed between 2-6 months after having a baby. It's really important to remember that these feelings won't stick around forever, and there are lots of ways to cope [6].
Tips for coping with postpartum rage
If you've been feeling anxious, upset, or more angry than usual after having a baby, here are a few top tips from professionals on how to cope:
Practice self-compassion
Even if it feels impossible, try to be kind and patient with yourself.
You've been through a massive change, and anger is a normal emotion — not one to be guilty or ashamed of. Try to let go of any rigid expectations of what you think parenting 'should' look like [6].
Try to make time for yourself
This one is tricky, we know, but loss of identity can be a trigger for postpartum rage.
So if you can make time to still do some things you like outside of being a parent, it can really help. If that feels like too much right now, something as simple as having a place to express how you're feeling (journalling, chatting to a friend or loved one) can also help [6].
Look after your health
Earlier we mentioned that physical health can have a lot to do with postpartum mood disorders, especially your hormones.
To keep your hormones balanced, it's important to eat a healthy diet, get as much quality sleep as you can with a new baby, and consider medication if your doctor recommends it [6].
Another way to help your postpartum health journey is by using a quality postnatal vitamin. Kin's Postnatal Vitamin is made to help you look after yourself after the baby comes, supporting your immune health and nervous system health, boosting energy levels, and much more.
Connect with others
Being socially or emotionally isolated is another risk factor for postpartum mental health issues.
Reaching out to local mother's groups or community groups can help you stay connected to others who are going through the same thing, and give you a space to share experiences/gain support.
If joining a face-to-face group feels out of reach, you could try joining an online community or page to feel connected with other new parents.
Get support
We've saved the most important for last — if you're experiencing any of the above symptoms, make sure you chat to your GP or therapist about what's going on. The sooner you get support, the faster you can be linked with the best treatment option and be on the road to feeling like yourself again.
If you're in need of immediate support, having thoughts of suicide, or experiencing a crisis, please seek immediate help. You can do this by calling Lifeline on 13 11 14, or 000.
And if there's only one thing to take away from this article — it's that you're not alone, and recovery is possible. Let's end the stigma surrounding postnatal mental health together.
Image credit: Getty Images
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